somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
