i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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