By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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