But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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