hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
