dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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