you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
