Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
