Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
