sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
