You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
