Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
