Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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