we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
