Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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