Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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