Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
