I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
