WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just high enough for therapy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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