and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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