I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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