I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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