I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
