5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
