I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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