you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
