Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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