u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize