I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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