We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
