I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
