I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
