apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
where am i from again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Drake has all the answers
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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