Can i not drive my cunt home
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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