yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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