Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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