i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize