dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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