I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
