Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm really busy with my period
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