Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
