I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
