My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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