"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Houston, we have a blender
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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