I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
