It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
