If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
