Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
