And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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