i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
