Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
