he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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