the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
