I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
