i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
