The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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