how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
