Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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