The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
