Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
