please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
