Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
