This is not my ceiling
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
