you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
