allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
